the least of these

i looked at jesus the other day and denied him. looked him right in the face; denied him, to his face.
i would like to confess and repent.

blood, sweat, and tears

i had the craziest bloody nose today. ohmygoodness, it just bled and bled. crazy.

then, yesterday i cried and cried. oh so sad, actually the weird thing was i wasn't sad. i am on this birth control for a menstration regulator and it is seriously screwing up my hormones. so, i cried and cried and i called in crying to work.

this is my sweet life. sweet.

another way

i am sitting in my room, reading. i am listening to music, loud, because my housemates are listening to even louder music that i think is awful.
i am reading and i am thinking and i am getting visions and i am getting scared.
do we really ever stop to think about what jesus meant when he said sell your things and join the poor. whatever you do to the least you do to me. love your neighbor as yourself. ?
i don't think i ever stop and think about these things, because if i did i would be alot more scared alot more of the time.
my heart is changing too and i am real scared.

i am excited too.

400 dollars later

yes, you guessed it. all of these preparations have forced me to spend 400 dollars yesterday. whoa, i am still a little anxious.

i wish everything in my life wasn't surrounding my departure, but alas it is.
and, i am getting REALLY excited. and also, this morning, when jebbers awoke, he said to me, "regan?". or maybe he asked to me. in either case. so cute. oh, and sad.

love.

66 days

i have concluded that this blog is really for me and josh(hi josh, how are you?) and that is okay.
i am leaving in 66 days and i am excited. really. and i am terrified. i am overwhelmed at how happy i am to be seeing regan in 9.5 weeks. wow! it makes me feel peaceful. it is weird, but i like it.
i only have 7 more weekends to work at Marczyck's. yay! this is crazy. is this crazy?
there is so much i need to do.
1)get all of my hiking/camping gear
2)purchase ticket(i have one holding that is 874$)
3)get my cell phone stuff in order
4)learn spanish
5)figure out all of my loan stuff
6)make some serious money
7)et cetera

stressed and a little anxious.
hmmm.

laugh laugh laugh

sad day

i have been real down lately, why? i am realizing how long regan is going to be gone and it hurts a lot.
i started my second, second job yesterday. it was alright. work is work, yes? i am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude about it. it will be so nice to send that money to my loans and not have to worry about it while i am gone. i just don't really like working in a setting where i need to be attentive to customers. is that bad?
you know that feeling where your eyelids feel heavy and burn a little? the tears are right around the corner, literally. that is how i feel.
thankfully, i have counseling next week, after a long maternity leave. i think i may just cry the whole time, that might not be bad.
love.

cumpleaños felices

IT IS MY HALF BIRTHDAY TODAY.
i was trying to say "it's your half birthday" in spanish today and kristy said, 'isn't your half birthday coming up?' why yes, in fact it is today. how weird and fun!
happy birthday to me.

bees and sore bodies

well, just one body and one bee, maybe even a wasp! i worked at my parents house today doing their landscaping(i use the term landscaping loosely). my body hurts so bad now AND i got stung by a bee! on my face! ohmygosh.
does anybody know how to find an ACCURATE map of the world on the internet? or does any know about time zones?
send me get well presents.
love.

did you know?

The distance between Denver, CO and Buenos Aires, Argentina is 5938.0 miles(9556.0 km).

whoa, talk about long distance. so sad.

who have i become?

i sent my first text message today. it felt weird and somewhat liberating. i got home from a normal dinner at my parents(for the record, normal for us is not normal for most people) and looked at my phone. it said i had two messages. this was weird because my friend, alicia, had sent me a message earlier. the messages were both from this strange long number, so without even looking at the message i deleted it. then i realized it was a number from argentina. ha. i got the second one: short, but sweet and decided, why not. i am going to send my first ever text message. how much do you think that costs to send one to argentina? anyway, it was well worth it. oddly enough, afterward i had an urge to call regan(he got a cell phone, so i can call when ever i want). i asked what the other message was and it was to call him. coincidence. probably. anyway, our conversation was short. he is on a bus ride, as i type, to the iguazu falls, one of the wonders of the worlds. how many are there?
what is the criteria to be a wonder of the world?
do you think less of me?

most of the time, the best things hurt the worst

this is a picture of the lovely regan and me at the des moines airport. i miss him A LOT.

last time i checked i was as unstable as a chair with three legs

it is funny to me that the minute you feel god move in some way is the very minute you become unstable. the minute you feel peace is the very minute you begin to doubt. and then the minute you need professional help is the very minute your counselor goes on maternity leave. huh.
my sister spent the day in the emergency room. i hate that in general, of course, but moreso because i cannot be there for her. i cannot cook her soup and read her stories. i cannot go with her to the doctor tomorrow. it may be the worst feeling ever.
that is all i have.

6 months

does anyone read this? i do, i guess.
it has been an amazing 6 months, that may be why i have been so quiet. just no time. that and no computer. this is what has happened:
i moved to denver, into a beautiful house. i am still nannying and liking it somewhat.
i have met some wonderful people since moving to denver. surprisingly enough. one of whom, the most notable, is regan foster. we met in mid january and have inseparable ever since. well, until now. he just moved to argentina for a year. so sad. but don't worry. i am moving down there too! most likely in december, if all goes according to plan. i am really excited to experience a new culture by living in it. and i am really excited to see regan.
i get accepted to the best vet tech school in the country.
i am sure there are other things, but i need to clean my living quarters.
love.

city of brotherly love

i am here and it is my last day. i feel excited and terrified. i feel a little ready and a little not. it has been a good trip, though. i feel loved and missed and that if i do decide to come back i will have a home.
my heart feels happy.
it is blistery outside and i love it. the trees are bare, but lively. hopeful. i will drive from this city this very night. and i will lose a little of myself when i do. but i must leave in order to come back.

feel the warmth of you and yours this season. while the cold air may seem relentless find somebody who needs love and love them fully.

pink and smelly

has anyone ever felt erased? it is a weird feeling and devastatingly lonely. your name is gone, your pictures. hopefully not your memory, but you cannot really be sure who is holding on to that, if anyone is. i beg that someone will. just don't forget me, not yet, not until i can fix things.
i got a house. for those of you who know the area, it is on 20th and emerson. it is a fantastic neighborhood. apparently, the house is incredible. oh, i haven't seen it. am i crazy? don't worry, i will be holding a house-warming party and of course, you will be invited. i am excited and a little nervous. i will be living with one of my oldest and greatest friends, one of his friends and someone else that no one really knows. i can't wait!
i also got a job nannying. yay! this kid, jeb, is so cute. it makes me feel maternal. don't worry.
AND i am taking a trip out east and wouldn't mind riders. so far i have one for sure. i am very excited for this, i miss my sis terribly and i miss philadelphia. i miss the neighborhoods and the trees and the bicycles and the friends. that one i miss the most.
this weekend has been so dramatic. honestly, i am usually a drama free person, but my god, it's one thing after another these days. okay, actually, just last night and today. whoa.
though i fail miserably i am trying, please, you should also try.

oh yeah, and i miss the philadelphia art museum.

lib

cranky is a friend of mine

thanksgiving is over. but there is a ton of food in my fridge and although it was all really good to begin with, none of it is appealling to me now.
surprisingly enough, i had a really nice holiday. thanksgiving happens to be my least favorite of all the days we remember, celebrate, party. my parents are real big on inviting everyone we know who doesn't have a place to go. so, jeff, dinah and dell all came over for some football(weird) and food and of course, good company. it was nice.
unfortunately, the holiday didn't bring me any clarity. if anything it brought me more confusion. i seem to be running back and forth between, at least, two things. so, not only am i still perplexed, but i am tired from all that running. i need a long nap and some enlightenment.
don't be strangers.
love.

working woman

i've officially been off the farm for 9 days. whoa. that sounds a lot longer than it feels.
i found a job(yay!) and so far, i like it. it isn't my dream job and i don't make great money, but i am learning a lot and meeting some people my age.
the move was way harder than i thought it would be, i am still working through that. those of you on the east coast may see me sooner than you thought(don't hold your breath, though). i know i owe a lot of you letters and i have some that i need to send out. give me some time and some understanding.
please, be gentle with each other.

love.

done as a doornail

my last day on the farm was monday. it is both exciting and terrifying.
i am scared about entering the real world: work, transportation, friends. all of which i have none as of yet.
to be honest, i wonder if staying in denver was a bad choice. though, while making the choice i didn't think there could be a right or wrong. maybe i was wrong, there is a first time for everything.
so far i have no concrete job(depressing) or transportation(i left my bike in loveland: also depressing), or many friends(except buster). sweet.
so, i am a little depressed. please, send me your love!! your prayers and thoughts are also greatly, greatly appreciated.
i am at my parents temporarily
7241 south sherman street
centennial, co 80122

303 738 8676

love love love.
libby

futuristic futures

it's my day off and, although it is a nice break, i kind of would like to be filling my time with something other than sitting in an empty room, spending time on the internet.
it's been a long month and in this moment i am excited for this internship to be over. i am learning a lot really appreciate the opportunity, i love the people i've met and where i live, but i feel ready for my next move. who knows what that will be. any ideas?

i miss you all and am excited to see you soon.

lib