last time i checked i was as unstable as a chair with three legs

it is funny to me that the minute you feel god move in some way is the very minute you become unstable. the minute you feel peace is the very minute you begin to doubt. and then the minute you need professional help is the very minute your counselor goes on maternity leave. huh.
my sister spent the day in the emergency room. i hate that in general, of course, but moreso because i cannot be there for her. i cannot cook her soup and read her stories. i cannot go with her to the doctor tomorrow. it may be the worst feeling ever.
that is all i have.

6 months

does anyone read this? i do, i guess.
it has been an amazing 6 months, that may be why i have been so quiet. just no time. that and no computer. this is what has happened:
i moved to denver, into a beautiful house. i am still nannying and liking it somewhat.
i have met some wonderful people since moving to denver. surprisingly enough. one of whom, the most notable, is regan foster. we met in mid january and have inseparable ever since. well, until now. he just moved to argentina for a year. so sad. but don't worry. i am moving down there too! most likely in december, if all goes according to plan. i am really excited to experience a new culture by living in it. and i am really excited to see regan.
i get accepted to the best vet tech school in the country.
i am sure there are other things, but i need to clean my living quarters.
love.

city of brotherly love

i am here and it is my last day. i feel excited and terrified. i feel a little ready and a little not. it has been a good trip, though. i feel loved and missed and that if i do decide to come back i will have a home.
my heart feels happy.
it is blistery outside and i love it. the trees are bare, but lively. hopeful. i will drive from this city this very night. and i will lose a little of myself when i do. but i must leave in order to come back.

feel the warmth of you and yours this season. while the cold air may seem relentless find somebody who needs love and love them fully.

pink and smelly

has anyone ever felt erased? it is a weird feeling and devastatingly lonely. your name is gone, your pictures. hopefully not your memory, but you cannot really be sure who is holding on to that, if anyone is. i beg that someone will. just don't forget me, not yet, not until i can fix things.
i got a house. for those of you who know the area, it is on 20th and emerson. it is a fantastic neighborhood. apparently, the house is incredible. oh, i haven't seen it. am i crazy? don't worry, i will be holding a house-warming party and of course, you will be invited. i am excited and a little nervous. i will be living with one of my oldest and greatest friends, one of his friends and someone else that no one really knows. i can't wait!
i also got a job nannying. yay! this kid, jeb, is so cute. it makes me feel maternal. don't worry.
AND i am taking a trip out east and wouldn't mind riders. so far i have one for sure. i am very excited for this, i miss my sis terribly and i miss philadelphia. i miss the neighborhoods and the trees and the bicycles and the friends. that one i miss the most.
this weekend has been so dramatic. honestly, i am usually a drama free person, but my god, it's one thing after another these days. okay, actually, just last night and today. whoa.
though i fail miserably i am trying, please, you should also try.

oh yeah, and i miss the philadelphia art museum.

lib

cranky is a friend of mine

thanksgiving is over. but there is a ton of food in my fridge and although it was all really good to begin with, none of it is appealling to me now.
surprisingly enough, i had a really nice holiday. thanksgiving happens to be my least favorite of all the days we remember, celebrate, party. my parents are real big on inviting everyone we know who doesn't have a place to go. so, jeff, dinah and dell all came over for some football(weird) and food and of course, good company. it was nice.
unfortunately, the holiday didn't bring me any clarity. if anything it brought me more confusion. i seem to be running back and forth between, at least, two things. so, not only am i still perplexed, but i am tired from all that running. i need a long nap and some enlightenment.
don't be strangers.
love.

working woman

i've officially been off the farm for 9 days. whoa. that sounds a lot longer than it feels.
i found a job(yay!) and so far, i like it. it isn't my dream job and i don't make great money, but i am learning a lot and meeting some people my age.
the move was way harder than i thought it would be, i am still working through that. those of you on the east coast may see me sooner than you thought(don't hold your breath, though). i know i owe a lot of you letters and i have some that i need to send out. give me some time and some understanding.
please, be gentle with each other.

love.

done as a doornail

my last day on the farm was monday. it is both exciting and terrifying.
i am scared about entering the real world: work, transportation, friends. all of which i have none as of yet.
to be honest, i wonder if staying in denver was a bad choice. though, while making the choice i didn't think there could be a right or wrong. maybe i was wrong, there is a first time for everything.
so far i have no concrete job(depressing) or transportation(i left my bike in loveland: also depressing), or many friends(except buster). sweet.
so, i am a little depressed. please, send me your love!! your prayers and thoughts are also greatly, greatly appreciated.
i am at my parents temporarily
7241 south sherman street
centennial, co 80122

303 738 8676

love love love.
libby

futuristic futures

it's my day off and, although it is a nice break, i kind of would like to be filling my time with something other than sitting in an empty room, spending time on the internet.
it's been a long month and in this moment i am excited for this internship to be over. i am learning a lot really appreciate the opportunity, i love the people i've met and where i live, but i feel ready for my next move. who knows what that will be. any ideas?

i miss you all and am excited to see you soon.

lib

lawn mower

i just mowed a lawn for the first time in my life. yay. i was really awesome. trust me.

also, i went to market for the first time. whoa, a lot of firsts. it was really fun. we traded veggies for popcorn, bread and cheese. mmmm. i almost wish i could go to market every week.

the cows are officially moving on sunday. i am both happy and sad. happy because alicia and i are tired of doing all the milking by ourselves. sad because they are my girls. i will miss them immensely. as bratty as they are, they are so sweet.


not much else going on. i am happy, most of the time.


the greatest gift in life is love.

friends

we've had two overnight kids groups this week. that's where young kids come up for three days...it's been fun and overwhelming. it's nice to not have to be responsible for any children.

we also sheared a couple of sheep today. we had to wrestle the sheep to the ground, it was very intense and funny. it reminded me somewhat of ninja fighting.

thankfully, my day off is tomorrow. yay! i am spending the night at my parents, which is a nice treat. i cannot wait to go to bed, wake up late, take a bath, make cookies, go out to lunch with mom, see dad at work...i know, pretty exciting. well, i am excited anyway.

remember to be loving as the day is long.

daddy's gone

a few days ago we harvested our bull, tony and another one of our cows, herfy. it was kind of an intense day. it all started at 6am, when we woke up to harvest some veggies. i left at 7 to go pick up some donuts, mmm. came back to tom, the butcher. he harvested tony first, i didn't watch. but i did see the beginnings of his head being cut off. it was pretty intense. then i went in to finish making breakfast and i cut my finger. it wasn't too bad, but i lost a good amount of blood and almost fainted. don't worry i am fine now.
so, after i recovered from my injury and finished b. fast, i watched the harvesting of herfy. i have never experienced anything like that. he was visibly scared, he knew something was wrong. tom is really good at what he does and shot herfy between the eyes, about an inch up. the second the bullet hit him he was down. boom. it was surprisingly loud. then for about 7 seconds, while the energy left his body, he shook. it was a dramatic experience. one that i am glad i had.
i am in fort collins this afternoon, having fun with my roommate. we are going to the co-op now to get rice dream bars. mmmm.
i wish you were here.


post script: emily, call me 970 461 0272 and leave me yo numba.

new beginnings

i don't know about you, but the weather here is beautiful. i got a little sunburned yesterday, but today i was religous about putting on some sunscreen. it's so sunny and a little breezy every once in a while.
our first share pick up is one friday. for those of you who don't know, we are a csa(community supported agriculture). look around in your area and be a part of one. they are great and keep small farms afloat. anyway, we've been busy weeding and planting and weeding a little more. it's been fun though. i remember being in my mom's garden back in the day and hating weeding, but it isn't so bad. especially if we sing songs.
i guess not a lot is happening here. we've been super busy and are only going to get busier.

send me your prayers and maybe some money.

i love you all and hope i can be better at it.
lib

potato day

we planted potatoes today. 15 rows, 19 third and fourth graders. it was fun.
things have been picking up here. the springs call for all the new life. it has been exciting and tiring.
we have a new calf and two new lambs. they are all precious, but especially the lambs. they are tiny! and about 2 days old.
we have been enjoying our first harvest of asparagus and spinach lately. mmm, it's all been so good.

my new roommate got here last week and, if i haven't already said, i moved into the yurt. it's been a good transition. i am really enjoying both rebecca and our living space.

i hurt my hand yesterday...real bad. it's wrapped up pretty good, but real hard to use. i hope it's not broken!

love each other.

libby

the last snowfall

hopefully, anyway.
we had a bit of a storm on sunday. it was nice to take the next couple of days easy, but i am in need of some sunshine. today, though, is beautiful. caitlin and i did some serious work getting stuff cleaned up outside the maintenance shed. it feels good to do some work like that, instantly gratifying.
i moved yesterday. i went back and forth between being happy and sad about it. i feel that way about most things these days. it was cold last night, but i cuddled up to myself and was warm.
my new roommate arrives on friday. i feel excited to meet her, get the season really started.
not much news, i guess that's good.
your communication is always welcome.

love each other like you love yourself.

first day of the season

well, today it started. the season, that is. it was wonderful.
what with the time change and all it was a little hard to wake up this morning, but at about 4:45 i told myself i was being ridiculous and made myself get out of bed. it stayed dark until about 7! after milking we all had breakfast together, even piper(the goat). then i helped steve with some chores, alicia with some 'crap piles' (piles of crap that needed to be removed), covered some crops with this white fabric, put out some irrigation pipes, took a lunch break, seeded, did some laundry, climbed a tree. yay, it was a good day.
two new interns arrived yesterday, mark and val. they are really nice and seem to be expecting good community, that makes me excited.
like i said before: we seeded a little outside today, i got a better grasp at how large our property really is...it's big. we planted peas and although it was a bit of a struggle(we started to use the wrong type of seeds, then they wouldn't come out of the seeder), it was really fun.
it was a beautiful day, sunny and windy. now, though, it looks like rain. the sky is a wonderful blue, the clouds are moving in and the sun is hiding away.
now that we've officially started the season and we're on more of a schedule, i have to make breakfast once a week-ish. anyone have favorite breakfast recipes?
keep the letters coming, the packages coming, the love forever.
you are great.

death and life

i have been here for 25 days and i feel good. i have seen the cycles of life and death, it is refreshing and sad and energizing.
a day before my brithday two calves were born. yay! one of them i got to carry right after the birth, so for the majority of the day i wore a hoodie covered in afterbirth. i know it sounds kind of disgusting, but really it was amazing. to see a huge animal, who was also small, come from a larger animal and then to be able to hold him(xtreme lee)...i mean, i am basically a veternarian now. pretty much.
but of course, when there is life there is also death and one usually follows the other. today i found one of our chickens dead. it is most definitely a part of life on a farm, life anywhere, but it is a little disheartening. i hope she didn't suffer, i hope it was quick.
there is of course the birthing of a lifestyle and ideas and the death of a lifestyle and some ideas. there is the beginning of friendships and, unfortunately, the end of friendships. it really is all a part of the cycle and it is beautiful and ugly, joyous and painful. but without the death, life would never be as sweet.
it snowed today, a lot. usually, in late march, i would be devistated. but because my work, grocery and friends all are within a 3 minute walk from me it was more pretty than devistating.
plus, with the exception of a few hours, i got to sit in a warm house all day talking with my friend(and eating some candy, mmm).
all of the cards and packages i got for my birthday were wonderful. thank you all, i felt very blessed.
oh and!! my address is wrong in the previous post. sorry. the corrected address is:
5943 north county road 29
loveland, co 80538
i won't write it here, because it will take up too much room, but read kahlil gibran's essay on work. it makes it better to wake up at 4:20 to milk or to go feed the calves in the snow.
love isn't easy, but well worth it.
goodnight.

it's been a while

i know i missed last week and definitely heard about it! sorry. it's hard to make myself sit at the computer when there are so many other things i want to be doing.
things are good. i am learning a lot and stretching a lot. plus, my body is really sore.
milking is going good. there is always something crazy happening with those girls. i love them.
this week we're getting all new chickens so we've been cleaning out the chicken house. gross. those animals are really disgusting. they smell so bad!
we are also harvesting some pigs on friday. i am really nervous about that, but i think it'll be a good experience.
i've been eating meat, which is weird and good. it's nice to know where all the meat i eat comes from. it's also fun to milk and that night drink the milk...it's a nice cycle.
my birthday is coming up *cough, cough* i think we are going contra dancing, that should be interested. one of the boys, seth, bought me a ticket to psychograss for thursday night at the boulder theater. that should be fun too.

i need to go eat. i love you all. come visit.

xoxo
libby

i am here

well, i am here and it's most of what i expected. i am a little lonely, but for the most part happy.
i milk my first cow today. actually about 5 of them. it went surprisingly well. the set up of all the equiptment might be a bit to remember, but other than i am a pro!
it is really beautiful here, the mountains, the open space, the animals. i wake up to roosters crowing every morning at about 4am. yes, you can feel bad for me.
slowly, i am finding where i fit in all of this. it isn't always easy, but i am learning.
for your information my old cell phone is no longer mine. it now belongs to my parents and has a colorado number.
my new number is 970 461 0272, mailbox 2. i think that's right. it should be in an earlier post anyway.
be loving and love hard.

i'm leaving on a jet plane

okay, so i have finally made it out west and so far it isn't so bad. i miss my family in philadelphia.
i leave for the farm in a couple days. i am anxious.
please, don't forget me.

one last day

i have one more day to spend in philadelphia. i am leaving a great deal, more than i could even imagine. but i hope to be moving to a great deal as well.
this weekend was really wonderful and though i thought it would make leaving harder, it did quite the opposite. i feel blessed and sent away in love. it was exciting to hear from around the country the things people are engaged in. it was fun meeting a few new people and being inspired for new futures.
i learned to dream big, because there will always be people to pull me back to reality, but there may not always be dreamers.
i learned that things don't get easier, they just change.
i learned that even if you think you've made it through something, or are 4 days away from something, everything can change in one second.
i hope you are well tonight.
goodnight.