christmas...

was peaceful this year.
i was worried, i am not one to enjoy emotional outbreaks, it's not something i force upon myself. i was scared that this christmas would be an overly, though most likely healthy, emotional day. i think i also felt like it had to be, there was not way to get around it. but, it was not. and i don't think that is a bad thing. we all cried a little when my mom read the card she received from her mother-in-law, my dad's mom. but it felt okay to not cry too, but to celebrate being with each other.
don't get me wrong, it is hard and sad without my dad. he had a strange way of interacting with people, with us. and it felt weird without those strange interactions and funny dad jokes. i think that in my head, this was a hurdle i had to get over. it has been 8 months without him. almost 9 and it is weird not having a dad.
when i was younger i needed my mom more than my dad, consciously. now, though i still need a mom, i find myself thinking more and more, "i'll call dad and ask him". he knew about buying houses and money and loans and cars and directions and grown up things. as much as we had our differences i miss him, and not only because he could give me directions to anywhere in colorado. i miss my dad.
i will still miss him next christmas, but i know it will be different.
hope you had a peaceful holiday also.
oh and, we officially started a tradition.
happy merry christmas.