13 days

i am just about at 13 days until i see regan, 12 days until i leave.
i just got back into denver from philly/camden. oh my goodness. it was so nice to be there, with everyone. it really just felt good to be among friends, in the city of brotherly love again. i did so many fun things.
ate lots of yummy food at my old favorite restaurants and some new ones, walked on the beach, had really good girl talk, hung out with cutey-cuter kindergartners. i laughed ALOT, watched a lifetime movie(why i wore lipstick to my mastectomy), went to a wedding, and i laughed some more.
oh, it was so fun. thank you to everyone who made me remember my home in philly/camden. i love you all so, so much.

oh and happy halloween.


matter: land

"Many monogamous relationships split up because one or both partners expect the other to meet the intimacy needs that only a love affair with a larger Reality can fulfill. They think something is wrong with the relationship when, in reality, Nature has programmed all relationships to fail whenever we absurdly demand that they provide us with total satisfaction. Experiencing cracks in even the most fulfilling of human relationships appears to be the only way that the universe can get us to open oursleves to the possiblity of a larger love affair. Unfortunately, many in our time never learn this lesson. When problems arise within the primary relationship, we look for another human being as a replacement, rather than seek a deeper relationship with the greater Whole. " -An Erotics if Place by Stephen Hatch

"It's not about stripping down for others to see. It's simply a way to experience a moment within your fullest capabilities. It's about embracing your spirit and your body and taking that acceptance one step further in order to get to where we belong--in the environment, not separated from it...nothing can compare to being outside and being naked. All the senses are heightened, and I mean all of them. Every movement and function and circumstance is raw, and you are aware of each one specifically. " -Exposure by Laura Katers

two excerpts from two essays i read tonight in the Matter Journal.



jeb and ellie have been sick the past few days. this means a couple things. one) they both sleep the majority of the day. two) they are both lovey dovey, clingy, huggy, affectionate.

though i get bored, i love both of these things. is that a bad sign? anyway, today at least three times jeb looked at me like his world was ending and put his pudgy little arms up to be held. i scooped him up and held him, rocked him, rubbed his back. we sang. we sang the new weepies song. it was absolutely precious. those hugs were exactly what i needed today.

maybe people need to be scooped up more and loved on? maybe.

the least of these

i looked at jesus the other day and denied him. looked him right in the face; denied him, to his face.
i would like to confess and repent.